- Albanian: po të kish halla loqe, do e quanin dajë (literally “if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle”)
- Catalan: please add this translation if you can
- Czech: kdyby byly v prdeli ryby, nemusely by být rybníky (literally “if there were fish in the ass, there would be no need for ponds”) (vulgar)
- Dutch: als mijn tante wieltjes had, dan was ze een locomotief (literally “if my aunt had small wheels, she'd be a locomotive”)
- Finnish: jos tädillä ois munat, niin täti olis setä, jos tädillä olisi munat, se olisi setä
- French: si ma tante en avait, on l’appellerait mon oncle (fr) (literally “If my aunt had any, she would be called my uncle”), avec des si on mettrait Paris en bouteille (fr) (literally “with ifs you could put Paris in a bottle”)
- Friulian: se mê none a vêve i cojons, o vêvi trê nonos (vulgar)
- German: wenn das Wörtchen „wenn“ nicht wär, wär mein Vater Millionär (literally “if it weren't for the little word "if", my father would be a millionaire”), wenn der Hund nicht geschissen hätte, hätte er den Hasen gefangen (literally “if the dog hadn't shit, he would've caught the hare”), hätte der Hund nicht geschissen, hätte er den Hasen gefangen (literally “if the dog hadn't shit, he would've caught the hare”)
- Greek: αν η γιαγιά μου είχε αρχίδια θα τη φώναζα παππού (an i giagiá mou eíche archídia tha ti fónaza pappoú, literally “if my granny had balls, I'd call her grandpa”), αν η γιαγιά μου είχε καρούλια, θα ήταν πατίνι (an i giagiá mou eíche karoúlia, tha ítan patíni, literally “if my granny had reels, she'd be a roller-skate”)
- Hungarian: ha a nagyanyámnak kereke volna, gurulna (literally “if my grandmother had a wheel [or: wheels], she would roll”)
- Italian: con i se e con i ma la storia non si fa (literally “with ifs and buts the story can't be made”), se mia nonna avesse le ruote, sarebbe una carriola (literally “if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wheelbarrow”)
- Polish: gdyby babcia miała wąsy, toby była dziadkiem (pl) (literally “if the grandma had a moustache, she'd be the grandpa”)
- Portuguese: please add this translation if you can
- Russian: е́сли бы да кабы́ во рту́ вы́росли грибы́, то был бы не рот, а це́лый огоро́д (jésli by da kabý vo rtú výrosli gribý, to byl by ne rot, a célyj ogoród, literally “if and when mushrooms would grow in the mouth, it would not be a mouth but a whole garden”), е́сли бы у ба́бушки был хуй, то она́ была́ бы де́душкой (ru) (jésli by u bábuški byl xuj, to oná bylá by déduškoj, literally “if the granny had a cock, she'd be the grandpa”) (vulgar)
- Spanish: si mi abuela tuviera ruedas, sería una bicicleta (es) (literally “if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a bicycle”)
- Turkish: halamın taşakları olsaydı, amcam olurdu (literally “if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle”)
- Ukrainian: please add this translation if you can
- Venetian: se me nona gavesse le ròde, la sarìa na cariòla
- Yiddish: ווען די באָבע וואָלט געהאַט רעדער, וואָלט זי געווען אַ טראָלייבוס (ven di bobe volt gehat reder, volt zi geven a troleybus) (literally "if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a trolleybus")
- Zazaki: Gunê ema mı bıbiyayê se a bıyê dedê mı
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